


Starlit

by Whiteasy



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Dissociative Identity Disorder, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-30
Updated: 2020-12-30
Packaged: 2021-03-10 16:55:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 789
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28430514
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Whiteasy/pseuds/Whiteasy
Summary: For one day in the year, he gets to forget his sins and finds peace in this cruel world.
Relationships: Reiner Braun/Bertolt Hoover
Comments: 19
Kudos: 51





	Starlit

**Author's Note:**

> Happy Birthday to the only God Of Destruction, to the kindest, most empathetic boy, Bertholdt Hoover.  
> This is set in a canon-divergent au where Bert survives RTS.

Bertholdt trudged toward the balcony of the apartment Reiner had rented for the night. The view wasn’t much–just his hometown, Liberio–but Bertholdt felt it was still far more enthralling than the view down his room in Headquarters. 

The one of mud, blood and tears. 

The one where children’s silent screams and wails of despairs never reached anyone’s ears. Or perhaps did, and they pretended they didn’t hear. 

Liberio wasn’t exactly much different but, even the internment zone looked beautiful under the moonlight.

Bertholdt wasn’t exactly fond of heights. Why would he, when every time he towered over humanity, any sign of life he might catch glimpse of would eventually turn into ash? Yet, here he was, finding comfort in the hollow, dark streets that eerily reminded him of Shiganshina after judgement has descended upon it. 

Perhaps because it was his birthday. Perhaps being reminded that one year had gone by, and another would come, thus he was closer than last year to the eventual end, made feel serene. 

Mayhaps it was the company of another, he thought to himself when he felt Reiner drape a blanket gently around his shoulders, murmuring softly 'you'll catch a cold' which made him feel more at peace than he ever felt despite everything that ever happened and ever will. 

“I don’t feel the cold.” Bertholdt muttered absent-mindedly, yet clenched the fabric even tighter around himself nonetheless. 

“I know.” Reiner breathed. 

“I can’t catch a cold. _We_ can’t catch a cold.” He said again, almost begrudgingly. 

“I know.” 

“Still... thank you.” Bertholdt mumbled into the woolen fabric, suddenly bashful. He closed his eyes and inhaled deeply the smell that clung to it–Reiner's, theirs. Home's. 

When Reiner merely slid an arm around his waist pulling him closer, Bertholdt felt his insides melt. So much for saying he didn’t feel the cold. 

He did feel it, when he was alone. When he was hopeless and scared. 

He wished he could never feel that way again. 

And in moments like these where he was nestled flush against the side of the person who cared the most about him, Bertholdt would believe his wish might come true. Even if it was for one hour after midnight. Nights where they were away from prying eyes, where they forgot who they were and what they could never be offered him such solace. 

Bertholdt never wanted to let go of this feeling. 

“Happy birthday.” Reiner murmured before he pecked his cheek tenderly, and Bertholdt blinked back the unshed tears that stung the corners of his eyes. His mind flashed back to the last time he celebrated his fifteenth birthday. 

He had drunk himself silly that night, straight from an expensive wine bottle Ymir has swiped from the instructors’ cabinet, and nibbled on the steamed bland potato Sasha stole for him from the kitchens. Although inebriated, he could still vividly remember the way Reiner held his hand gently as he led him toward their favorite spot by the lake in the far end of the forest. The shimmering water under the starry night took his breath away as it always did in the scarce times they went there. But Reiner cradling both of his hands in his, kissing his knuckles and vowing to him that it will only get better from then, that they will make it home before he knew it filled him with indescribable joy.

Of course, Reiner hadn’t been able to keep his promise. How could he, when he had forgotten he made it in the first place? 

Then Reiner forgot about his birthday the following year. And at some point, that didn’t seem to be so disheartening when Reiner forgot everything they came to Paradis for altogether. 

Bertholdt had believed it would never get better, but he was soothed to know it couldn’t get worse either.

However, he was proved wrong, and for the first time in his life, he was delighted to be. 

They had made it home after all. Safe. Alive. 

And Reiner remembered him. Remembered them. And his birthday. Even if it was five years later. 

“Thank you.” 

_Thank you for remembering_

_Thank you for not letting us die_

_Thank you for being here with me, after everything, after I lost all hope in us. In this world_

The words were stuck in his throat and maybe it had been for the best. He had never been good with expressing himself but, judging by the ghost of a smile that played at Reiner’s lips, Bertholdt thought he needn’t say more. 

Even if he would always be haunted with the past, he wanted to at least forget for one night. And nothing like his birthday was a more appropriate time to do so. 

**Author's Note:**

> This is how I cope with canon, yes.


End file.
